最幸福的事

老婆婆用颤抖的手拿起了照片。
是他。没错，真的是他。
这么多年了，他那稚气的笑容依然没变。
也就是这个笑容，牢牢地印在她的心里。
她隐约记得当天的情形。
1943年的七月，一名日军被抬进医疗室。他是日军的空军将领。她是救护团里的护士。
他的手臂受了伤，但仍是清醒的。
因为他是日军的缘故，她小心翼翼，深怕把他弄痛了就会像昨天的同事一样，被枪毙。
她的手颤抖着，把残留在他的手臂上铁片拔出来。
“好痛！”他叫着。她吓傻了。心想这次一定完蛋。他看了看她，微笑着说：“没事。谢谢你。”
就是这个笑容。这个让她一辈子难忘的笑容。
他告诉过她，他恨战争，可是他没有选择。
她相信他。因为他有一颗善良的心。
他告诉她，他爱她，就算有别的选择，他也只要她。
她相信他。因为不管发生什么事，他都会尽力地保护她。
1944年的某一天，她被一群喝醉了的日本士兵拖到暗巷里轮奸。饱受肉体蹂躏的她变得精神恍惚，不吃不喝。他一直在她身边照顾她，不离不弃。一直这样，过了两个月，她才慢慢地好起来。
很可惜的是，他们的爱在那个乱世是不被接受的。
她的父母阻止他们在一起，还把他打得遍体鳞伤。
他却能笑着对她说：“没事。放心。”

1945年，日军战败。
他要她和他一起远走高飞。
她犹豫了。
临走时，他微笑着握着她的手，坚定地说：“等我。我一定会回来找你。”
就是这个笑容。那个牵伴她一生的笑容。那个在她沮丧时一定会想起的笑容。

“我在整理父亲的遗物时找到了他的日记。里头写的都是关于您的事情。”养女把日记交到她的手中。“父亲之所以没有来找您，是因为当时大家都很痛恨日本人。他怕您承受太大的压力。”
她点了点头。
“父亲后来还是有回来找您。可是.....”养女顿了顿，“您已经结婚了。”
这时的眼泪再也藏不住，慢慢地从她的眼睛滑下。
她又想起他那充满稚气和坚定的笑容。

“等我。我一定会回来找你。”


老婆婆淡淡地说：“是我不够坚定，输给了命运......”



*********************

《最幸福的事》

你撐著雨傘 借我那次
已經足夠我 記得一輩子
我懂後來你不是不堅持
愛情本來就 沒萬無一失
淚水離開了 你的手指
那不如讓它 流在這信紙
我想女孩子 最貼心的是
讓愛的人選結束的方式
我最幸福的事 當過你的天使
趁鼻酸能掩飾 讓我們像當時擁抱最後一次
最幸福的事 吹蠟燭時你總為我許願的手勢
為摯愛的人 在左邊心口保留位置
是最幸福的事
可惜愛不是 童話故事
不能夠永遠 依賴著王子
才慢慢認識只剩兩個字
我怎麼忍心 為難你解釋
我最幸福的事 當過你的天使
趁鼻酸能掩飾 讓我們像當時擁抱最後一次
最幸福的事 吹蠟燭時你總為我許願的手勢
為摯愛的人 在左邊心口保留位置
是最幸福的事
那一陣子有你 美的不像現實
多高興每一幕都微笑著靜止
我最幸福的事 牽著你的日子
一段愛從開始 直至分開我們都對彼此誠實
最幸福的事 對那片海用力大喊永遠的樣子
想得起的事 那天和你傻笑著認識
是最幸福的事

爱了才懂

“我们怎么了？”
“我想，我们已经走到尽头了。应该放手了。”
“可是，我还是很爱你啊！”（哽咽）
“我以前也是。可是......我已经不确定了。”
“为什么？为什么会变成这样？”
“因为你跟不上我的步伐。当我转身时，你还徘徊在我看不见的角落，而我已经不确定，我是否会在这个转角处等你追上我。”

他轻轻地放开了她的手。

********************************

《爱了才懂》
雨落在 没风的午后
雨停了 气氛沉重
我们安静的听着心跳的节奏
谁都不开口
关于爱 我们都不懂
向前走 还是退后
试着找回当初那相爱的理由
全都是借口
相爱后 我们才发现彼此不同
失去拥抱的冲动 想放开手
相爱后 我们才发现爱情过重
负荷不来的温柔 渐渐失控
关于爱 我们都不懂
向前走 还是退后
试着找回当初那相爱的理由
全都是借口
相爱后 我们才发现彼此不同
失去拥抱的冲动 想放开手
相爱后 我们才发现爱情过重
负荷不来的温柔 渐渐失控
一路上 雨下的好凶
落在我们 爱情的尽头
沉默的 坚持着能维持多久
说穿了 我们没把握
去兑现 永远的承诺
爱过了我们才懂
相爱后 我们才发现彼此不同
失去拥抱的冲动 想放开手
相爱后 我们 发现爱情过重
负荷不来的温柔 渐渐失控
爱过了 我们才懂
才懂

My Best Friend's Wedding - Part 2

one of my best fren got married recently.
well, not recently la, cos ROM long time ago. but the dinner thing was a few weeks ago.
while others gave their well wishes to the couple during the dinner, i was dumbfolded when the microphone pushed itself towards my face.
yes. totally speechless.
not that i duno wat to say.
there were juz too many things to say.
too much memories to share.

i will nv forget hw i waited for her at her void deck for hours until late in the nite, juz to tell her smth.
i will nv forget e many sleepless nites i've spent doing small gifts for her.
i will nv forget those times in sch, whereby i used to peek at her during lecture and tutorials.
i will nv forget how i felt when she cooked and brought breakfast for me in sch everyday.
i will nv forget how she ransack my empty pencil box, filling them w new stationary she bought from the bookstore downstairs.
i will nv forget those days loitering at the cafe, waiting for her to finish her work, sending her home.
i will nv forget how i felt when she introduce me to her bf (now hubby of cos).
haha.
so much memories over these 12 years.

nt that i am upset or wat.
but come to think of it, i think, we've both grew up alot.
we've went thru diff events in our own life.
n we hav been there for each other when we needed support.
i think, this is way way beyond the stage we could hv been.
she told me b4, she's not the one for me.
n of cos, as u can c now, i am nt the one for her either.
n i am glad it was this way.
cos we've achieved smth more valuable.

n now, we've both found the true love of our lives, i really hope dat this will lead to happiness for her, n of cos, myself (i am v happy now w baby of cos).

the oni thing i wan to say to her now is,

"thank u my dear friend. 但愿你永远幸福快乐。"

然后呢？

“然后呢？”
这句话在我脑海里盘旋、回荡。
然后呢？我们又能怎样？

最近真的又不一样的启发。虽然没有发生什么大事，知识和朋友、家人吃吃饭。
昨晚，和两个姑姑一起吃晚餐（从八点多吃到十点多）。她们在那两个多小时所分享的经验让我反复地思考。
可是，我不知道是什么。
一直想。可是思绪似乎无法沉淀，没有什么结论。
直到今天早上听了N遍的《如烟》和《在我心中尚未崩坏的地方》，加上读了九把刀的小说（阿信写的序）之后才恍然大悟。
原来是这么回事。

我们已经被生活压得喘不过气了。
在别人拟定的“标准生活方式”生存着，迷失了自我。
“我”已经不是真正的“我”，而是别人所期望看到的“我”。
原来，“我”正在努力地朝着这个荒唐的生活标准前进。
浪费时间。
我根本在浪费生命！
你凭什么支配我？？？

生命不在乎长短，只在乎活得有没有意义、精不精彩。
我懂了。真的。
＂Ｙｏｕ　ｃａｎ　ｏｎｌｙ　ｍａｋｅ　ａ　ｄｉｆｆｅｒｅｎｃｅ　ｔｏ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｌｉｆｅ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｙｏｕ　ｄａｒｅ　ｔｏ　ｔａｋｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｆｉｒｓｔ　ｓｔｅｐ　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｃｏｍｆｏｒｔ　ｚｏｎｅ．＂
ｈｏｗ　ｔｒｕｅ．

“有没有那么一张书签　停止那一天　最单纯的笑脸和　最美那一年”
就是今天。因为我很庆幸能够活着，体会我身边的每一件事和拥有我所拥有的。 　
所以，我决定了。
就从今天开始。

我要把我为完成的故事写完（写了很久，才写了开头）。
我希望把我的作品统统放在一起，变成一本书。
写多一点歌，再拿起麦克风唱歌。
然后，要牵着宝贝的手，一起去体会不一样的世界。

我相信我能做到。
一定可以。

“然后呢？”
然后，世界就会变得不一样了。
至少我知道，我的世界将会改变。
你准备好了吗？
跟我去体验，好吗？

如烟

十五岁那年，加入了黑社会。喝酒、吸毒、打架。
十七岁那年因为抢了隔壁堂口老大的女人而被追杀。在躲躲藏藏的途中，错手杀死了那个女人，砍伤了老大。
被判坐牢二十年。
三十七岁那年，出狱。因为穷途潦倒，迷上了赌博，再次染上毒瘾。
四十岁那年，被捉到戒毒所五年。
四十五岁那年，因为年迈的母亲而重新振作。在咖啡店找到工作。虽然赚的钱不多，但是至少过得心安。
四十七岁那年，找到了一个愿意跟着他的女人。结婚了。
五十岁那年，某天在小贩中心看见了当年被砍伤的老大。老大连上的疤痕清晰可见，坐在轮椅上，双眼无神地望着地上。身边的老妇人一边帮老大擦汗，嘴边不停念着：“老天，为什么要我的儿子有这样的下场？”。难过地落泪，却有不敢当面道歉，转身，走了。
五十一岁那年，发生了车祸，下半身瘫痪。老婆仍不离不弃，在身边照顾着。
五十二岁那年，因为接受不了残缺，自杀了。


如果让你重新选择，你会想要过怎么样的人生？

《如烟》

我坐在床前　望著窗外　回忆满天　

生命是华丽错觉　时间是贼　偷走一切

七岁的那一年　抓住那只蝉　以为能抓住夏天

十七岁的那年　吻过他的脸　就以为和他能永远　

有没有那么一种永远　永远不改变　

拥抱过的美丽都　再也不破碎

让险峻岁月不能在脸上撒野　

让生离和死别都遥远　

有谁能听见

我坐在床前　转过头看　谁在沉睡　

那一张苍老的脸　好像是我　紧闭双眼

曾经是爱我的　和我深爱的　 都围绕在我身边

带不走的那些　遗憾和眷恋　 就化成最后一滴泪

有没有那么一滴眼泪　能洗掉后悔　

化成大雨降落在　回不去的街

再给我一次机会　将故事改写　

还欠了他一生的　一句抱歉

有没有那么一个世界　永远不天黑　

星星太阳万物都　听我的指挥

月亮不忙著圆缺　春天不走远　

树梢紧紧拥抱著树叶　

有谁能听见

耳际　眼前　此生重演　

是我来自漆黑　而又回归漆黑

人间　瞬间　天地之间　

下次我　又是谁

有没有那么一朵玫瑰　永远不凋谢　

永远骄傲和完美　永远不妥协

为何人生最后会像一张纸屑　

还不如一片花瓣曾经鲜艳

有没有那么一张书签　停止那一天　

最单纯的笑脸和　最美那一年

书包里面装满了蛋糕和汽水　

双眼只有无猜和无邪　让我们无法无天

有没有那么一首诗篇　找不到句点　

青春永远定居在　我们的岁月

男孩和女孩都有吉他和舞鞋　

笑忘人间的苦痛　只有甜美

有没有那么一个明天　重头活一遍　

让我再次感受曾　挥霍的昨天

无论生存或生活　我都不浪费　

不让故事这么的后悔 有谁能听见　

我不要告别

我坐在床前　看著指尖　

已经如烟......

Photo Gallery + updates

ok, this post has been lagging since early oct.
too lazy to upload the pix.
maybe this is karma. dats y my memory card spoil in taiwan (although its nt THIS card).
my old cam muz b angry w me, so cursed my new cam.
ignore me. i am crazy.

anyway, here's the pix from oct.

French Food Gala

baby n i went to a french rest for dinner to celebrate our anni.
well, i muz say its over rated n over charged.
sickening shit.
i rather spend my money on yakitori. *wink wink at baby*

this is the duno wat salad w goat's cheese (pardon me, it has been mths. i forgot the name liao)

super big plate n super salty. eeek.

apparently, baby was not v receptive to the cheese. look at her face.

super big serving of foie gras. yes, the serving is big, but its nt dat tasty though. overcooked, slightly burnt. nt nice.

giant bowl of onion soup. ok la, so so.

baby tot her main course looked nice. end up, tooooooo dry n salty (i think its pork)

at least my duck breast is decent. acceptable.

dessert - raseberry shebert in champagne

the bill burnt a big hole in my pocket.

abt 300 bucks.

for this kind of lousy food.

nt mentioning dat we need to walk a fair bit b4 we find the plc.

sucked.

since we were so traumatised by this incident, we've decided to go for our long time fav french food instead.

at least, quality can b trusted.

we went the french stall in dec to "reward" ourselves (or is it nov??? haha, old liao)

foie gras cooked w spinach drenched in the goodness of the foie gras n balsamic vinegar. yum yum. i love the foie gras here. nt overcooked, soft n moist inside, melts in ur mouth....do i need to go on?

this humble looking french onion soup is 1000 times better than that we had at the previous rest.

baby's main dish. erm, duno wat chicken.

my all time fav lamb chop w grilled brinjal and potatoes. yum yum.
at least, we all satisfied here.
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the reason y baby looked so happy is......
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ta dah....her choc souffle. one of the best i've ever tasted.

well, i still love my good old tiramisu. all time comfort food.

i hav to tell u dat i really feed my baby well.

u can ask her.

we hav been eating n eating n eating since we r together.

haha.

Burger Making Session

i've decided to make my porky burger as lunch on weekend.

toasted bun w super sized patty (pork, marinated n pan fried w onions), tomatoes n cheese. well, i am quite proud of it though. taste great. juicy patty. yum.

one satisfied customer

this is a grouchy customer reject my request for a photo


baby: oh, y so big ah? hw to eat?



c, i told u its tasty liao.

High Tea

besides gluttony at hm, baby n i put in alot of effort to hunt for the best food around (hahaha).

we went high tea at goodwood park one weekend (yeah my fav).

baby's plate. cautious eater.
my plate. super kiasu n hungry. these r all the best food there. sausage w bacon n cheese, foie gras terrine, honeydew w parma ham.....wat else can u ask for??? v v v yummy. i had like 6 servings of these.

another round w my fav scones w blotted cream n jam. yum!!!

baby eating her ice-cream. i tell u, she was v v v v full at this pt. this explains her rigid smile.

v full liao still kena forced to take pix. haha.

My cosy bday

if u ask wat i did for my bday, here's the ans to ur quest.

yeah, we ATE again!!! haha. i requested for a mala hotpot lunch. i love the hotpot from chong qing. n well, lunch is def cheaper. muz save money.

baby went to my hse after dat. i was half asleep, while she JUST WOKE UP. hahaha.

my bday cake. plus special performance by baby. hahaha. sorry folks, for me oni.

My Best Friend's Wedding

we hav been waiting for this moment for a long long time.

finally, the event was held at the yatch club on 4th Jan.

it was by the bay n swimming pool, v cosy n classy arrangements. one of my dream wedding scenerio. it was nt too warm, w wind blowing onto our face.

baby n i camwhoring. who wouldn't? its so beautiful out here.

joilin look-alike. score is zero. cos dun hav G nai.....OOPPPSSSS......

"Forever Cheese" w ann

the big-small-eyes combi. my eyes one big one small, kerrin oso. aiyo, she is a splitting image of her daddy.

i was dancing w kerrin, while she sang along w the tune. but i think i sway around too much. she was dying to "kick" away from me when she saw her mum. ahahahaha. giddy.

i tried to grab the melachony declan into this pix. he refused to give me any attention. bleh.

baby: come, jie jie carry

Kerrin: who is this big head auntie??? (apparently, kerrin was oni interested in baby's cap)

big eyed baby w big head auntie (da tou guai)

i was trying to blow bubbles to cheer the babies up. but i think i oni mamnge to impress one baby who apparently took this pix.

a grouchy reynard after changing his soaking wet clothes. he was scolded by his dad for playing at the pool.

me n the bride.

baby, me n the bride.

i had many pix which i can't upload.

weird man.

i will try again.

meanwhile, this will b all.

pls pray n cross ur fingers dat my taiwan pix can be saved.

I am back

I am back.
dun ask me how's my trip.
v v upset.

i was sick w fever on the v first day of my trip to taiwan. spent the whole nite in hotel sleeping.
luckily, i managed to recover in time.
yes, i had fun.
went to jay chou's restaurant, strawberry garden, the min su.....
took alot of nice pix.
then.
THE STUPID MEMORY CARD SPOIL!!!!!
so now, i hav NO pix to share.
yes. nothing.
all gone.
dun ask me y. i oso duno.
went to the supplier yesterday, they told me they can do nothing abt it.
fuck la.
anyone hav lobang to retrieve the pix? i am willing to pay any price for it.
sigh. upset man.

however, it has been a wonderful trip for me n baby.
we've enjoyed each other's comapny in the cold cold weather (10 degrees).

n for those who knew abt my plan.
yes, i popped the question. at the min su, w beautiful seaview.
the answer?
yes, i've got it.
:)
dats was the most beautiful memory i had for the whole trip.

i guess wat they say is true.
i hav all the pix in my mind. all in my own memories.
but.....
i still wan my pix back......(sob)