Upset

i am nt in my best of mood rite now.
it might be due to the clash i had w the cheena chix on tues.
till now, i still feel v upset abt it.
v affected.

i am nt a saint, dun ask me to cool down n relax.
i cant.
not so fast i guess.
y do i hav to go thru this again?
within a yr, i had been under monsters in work.
all pulled me down n humiliated me like hell.
i suay?
or is it that what they say about me is true?

am i the problem?

maybe.

y do i hav to take all these nonsense from others?
all the personal attacks, the anger, the tantrums......
all these nonsense.......

where are all the understanding n patience i need?
zero.
i get none.

Golden shit

this is the mighty golden shit from japan.

heard dat it will bring luck n fortune.

anybody going to japan? buy one for me?

hahaha.

if u enlarge the pix, u can c baby's reflection on it.

ya, the shit created a big hoo-ha in the office, so baby went kaypo.

ok, i asked her over la.

hahaha.

nice shit.

Last Friends???

"This thing is a monster, is a man in a woman's body, that cast its perverted looks onto other women. " ~ "Last Friends" - Sousuke on Ruka

nobody will understand, the pain, loneliness and agony we faced,
when we are trapped in a body we hated.
NOBODY WILL.

只能痛苦得跟着世人的标准活着。

四百龙银

她看到了模糊的身影在她面前，好像是在和她招手。
她走上前，仔细地看，那个人的脸依旧很模糊。

“小昭，快到妈妈这儿来！”

妈妈？
妈妈怎么会来？好久好久没见到妈妈了。小昭兴奋地奔向那个人影。
“妈妈！妈妈！”小昭一边跑，一边流着泪，叫着。

突然间，人影消失了。
只剩下黑漆漆的，没有空气的空间。
小昭愣住了。
人呢？妈妈呢？

妈妈又不要我了吗？
为什么妈妈不要我？

小昭流着泪大喊：“妈妈！你在哪里?我好想你啊！”

*************************

小昭从恶梦中惊醒。
她感觉到浑身无力。想动，却感觉下体的阵阵剧痛。
对了，她刚刚临盆。“这次应该是个男的吧！”她对自己说。
这是小昭第五个宝宝。之前的四个都是千金。如果这次还是女的，她自己也不知该如何向婆婆交待。
小昭六岁被卖到这里当童养媳，婆婆一直待她不错。直到近几年，当小昭一直生女儿时，婆婆开始给他白眼，不断地冷言冷语。所以这次，非男婴不生。
她转过身躯，看见婆婆坐在一旁，没吭声。小昭有种不想的预感。
“婆婆，”她用微弱的声音问道：“又是赔钱货吗？”
婆婆叹了口气，点点头。
小昭想：完了！我到底还要受多少白眼？难道老天就不能给我条活路走吗？
“那，宝宝呢？”小昭虚弱地问。
“卖了。”婆婆淡淡地说。
“什么？？？”小昭不敢相信自己的耳朵。
“卖了。那个人刚走。”
小昭这时用尽全身所有力气，往屋外奔去。她用力地跑，尽管他还在流血，尽管她还感觉到疼痛。她只想着：只要能阻止，什么都不重要。
她努力地追赶，终于看到了一个抱着娃娃的男人。
“别走！”小昭喊着。可是，那男人似乎没有想停下来的迹象，继续地快步走着。
小昭不停地跑，不停地喊着。但是因为体力透支，突然感觉到晕眩，倒下了。
小昭看着那男人的背影，不断地哭泣：“为什么？为什么？”

突然间，她明白了二十年前妈妈的心情。

“为什么上苍要这样子对我？”


*************************

《四百龙银》
这里的人家远渡重洋
找到他们家
看了几回就要这个
六岁的女娃
为了大哥要娶媳妇
没钱的妈妈收了四百个龙银
让她离开家
她在厦门过了一夜
隔天才上船
身上穿着只有过年才能穿的衣裳
妈妈为她缝了一个像她的娃娃
「有它和你作伴什么都别怕」
那天晚上的月亮被云挡住了一半
看不见的另一半
在要去的地方
也许只能这么想
才会觉得分开的只是月亮
心还一样
二十六岁那年生了第五个女孩
守寡的婆婆跟她说了香火不能断
刚好有人想要一个初生的女娃
她用虚弱的身子追出几里外
那天晚上的月亮被云挡住了一半
看不见的另一半
在心碎的路上
千头万绪在心里转
突然发现残缺的不是月亮
是命运啊
曲折要重覆到什么时候才给圆满
她从箱底找出那个像她的娃娃
「有它和你作伴什么都别怕」
可是我的心肝谁跟你作伴

针灸初体验

si beh suay.
昨天献出了我的第一次。
第一次针灸。
好奇妙的一次经验。
原来人体功学识这么的奇妙，一个小穴道可以牵动着身体的每一部分。
中医学真妙！
OK,我的手拉到了筋，痛死我了。
所以听了baby的话，去针灸了。
说真的，起初还有点担心，不知道会怎么样。
幸好有baby在。
谢谢你陪我等了两个小时。
好像去研究一下中医学。

feel v weird recently.
一直梦见怪怪的人。
感觉很怪。
i think i need to sort out my tots again.

The Beautiful Game??? Gah PUI!!!!

was v sporty nowadays.
no, nt physically.
wat else. the olympics of cos.
EPL started this weekend too.

watched the ping pong (ok, table tennis) finals yesterday.
i can oni say, i am v proud of our paddlers. they were amazing.
how to win china??? impossible la.
somemore mr hu was there to support his team.
u mad ah? how to lose? ltr kena executed then u noe.
anyway, we were glad that we got a silver.
there's one part whereby the chinese officials actually announced over the PA sys.
"让我们替我们来自海外的客人，新加坡，加油！好吗？"
n the home crowd shouted "新加坡加油！" continuously.
steady.
chinese. wan to b good host. wan face.
n our players, despite losing the game, still full of smiles. they've tried their best.
but well, it showed graciousness, which i dun c in other stupid ang mo countries.
then i was like "wow, i v touched"
then my bro asked, non-chalantly, "eh, hw much govt pay for medal?"

me: huh? pay wat?
bro: hw much they gt pay for the medals?
me: tsk, olympics is abt friendship n the sportsmanship, nt money....
bro: how much (stares at me)
me: 720k for silver.
bro: WAH! no wonder smile la.
me: .........

na beh.
pui.

EPL sucked.
i noe Man Utd sure wun win.
tmd. somemore at home ground.
super shitty.
performance sucked.
half of the team r reserves.
3 of the names i duno one.
no striker.
rooney juz recovered. played like shit.
giggs n ferdn exchanged "angry words"(huh?? wtf man???)
the goal by newcastle was the result of poor defence.
Man Utd shd hav a penalty.
etc etc etc.
a draw game is good already.
but w chelsea trashing their opponents at 4-0, i think, devils will die this season.

nah beh.
pui.

I need to break free

when i woke up today, i felt weird.
suddenly, i felt that enuff is enuff.
i need to move on.
this job certainly dun feed me enuff for my appetite (spelling?) any more.
i need more challenges.
i wan more.
i need directions.

suddenly feel like taking up another course.
smth i've always wanted to do.
language? sports? or psycology?
i duno man.
i missed those days in school, whereby i can look forward to learn smth, study, tok cock w frens.
or is it that i am too bored?
hahaha.

one thing is for sure.
i am sick of my job already.
anybody any lobang?

Random rantings

freaking xian this week.
no mood to work wat-so-ever.
suddenly, crave for jap food and my spicy hotpot.

met MQ and YX few weeks ago for some catch up session.
yes yes, i noe, i owe u gals an answer for ktv.
sigh.
pok gai le la. wait for my pay to come out 1st can ma?
damn restless recently.
i guess i need some good fun.

did some reflection in HK. n rite now, i am dying to get out of here.
ya, i noe, bonus coming.
dilemma now.
shd i look for job now, or shd i wait?
YX n MQ noes the best. cos we've discuss this b4.
to me, when the chance come, grab.
although i LOVE money (who doesnt), i feel that i will forgo the bonus if i can find the rite job.
however, i am juz looking around, c wat i can gt from the mkt now.
no hurry, although my stupid boss's limited IQ is driving me nuts again.
still can tahan i suppose.
u will c me kao beh-ing if i cant take it anymore.

btw, WK, if u r reading this, pls kindly tell us when r u free to meet up ok? enuff of the nite shift liao la. sack ur boss.
as for the ktv, sorry pals, need to wait. need to save up some cash rite now.

家后

this song really touches my heart.
1st time hear, tears flow liao.
hokkien song, by jiang hui.
家后 = wife
hav been hearing this song for the past week.
v nice.

<<家后>>
有一日咱若老找无人甲咱友孝
我会陪你坐惦椅寮听你讲少年的时阵你有外摮
吃好吃丑无计较怨天怨地嘛袂晓
你的手我会甲你牵条条因为我是你的家后
阮将青春嫁置恁兜阮对少年跟你跟甲老
人情世事已经看透透有啥人比你卡重要
阮的一生献乎恁兜才知幸福是吵吵闹闹
等待返去的时阵若到我会让你先走
因为我会呒甘放你为我目屎流
有一日咱若老有媳妇子儿友孝你若无聊
拿咱的相片看卡早结婚的时阵你外缘投
穿好穿丑无计较怪东怪西嘛袂晓
你的心我会永远记条条因为我是你的家后
阮将青春嫁置恁兜阮对少年就跟你跟甲老
人情世事嘛已经看透透有啥人比你卡重要
阮的一生献乎恁兜才知幸福是吵吵闹闹
等待返去的时阵若到你着让我先走
因为我会呒甘看你为我目屎流